Surgery, Recovery, Hair Update and More!

I woke up at 4:30 on Tuesday morning and literally did not feel nervous at all. I really have all of you to thank for that because I really believe that is all the wonderful support and prayers that are being sent my way that is keeping me so positive and even-keeled. There were no tears - at least not on my part. Beni and I got to the hospital at 5:30 as told and I was checked in, changed into a hospital gown and put into a pre-op room. Beni joined me. He began reading The Hunger Games and I chilled and waited. At 7 a.m. I was taken to nuclear medicine where they inject something into my breast that would help the cancer show up for the surgeon as she removed it. This would also help her identify the sentinal lymph node for removal. If that node was clear, we would know the cancer hadn't spread.

After nuclear medicine I went back into pre-op and spent a little more time with Beni. I spoke to the plastic surgeon, the anesthesiologist and his assistant and my breast surgeon. It was almost 8 a.m. and they gave me a sedative and said they were going to wheel me into the O.R. Beni gave me a kiss, he turned to pick up his backpack-o-goodies-to-keep-him-fed-and-busy, and as they started to push my bed, I was out like a light. Forget the anesthesia. The sedative knocked me out for the count.

I woke up hours later in the recovery room with a very nice nurse hovering over me. I literally remember NOTHING. The only other time I have been under anesthesia I remember going into the O.R. and counting backward from 10. I do not remember leaving the pre-op room this time. The nurse told me surgery went well and that I was doing fine. I didn't feel nausea or pain, just a little discomfort in my chest, which was expected. I stayed there until about 3:30 when they took me to my room and we met Beni on the way.

One of the nice things about Central DuPage Hospital is that it has a new wing of patient rooms and no one has to share anymore. I had my own room with a giant t.v. and good nurses and techs watching out for me. I had a clear liquid dinner of chicken broth, green jello and water which stayed down just fine. Beni went home to relieve his dad and sister from babysitting duty and I went to sleep. It was a long night because sleeping for half an hour felt like I'd slept all night.

At lunch the next day, I noticed the inside of my bottom lip had a sore and that it felt funny to eat. Touching my front, top left tooth, I realized it was chipped! I figured it happened when they inserted or removed my breathing tube during surgery. I told the nurse who told me to talk to the surgeon who told me he'd talk to the anesthesiologist, but nothing ever came of that. I was discharged before I ever spoke to anyone about it. Beni came back to the hospital and hung out on Wednesday and with the nurse's help, I walked a lap around the hallway, and sat up in a chair for lunch. Beni went home to pick up the boys from school and then they came to visit in the evening. I did about three more laps in the hallway that day and was disconnected from oxygen and my I.V. drip.

I had, and still have, four tubes sticking out of my sides below my armpits for drainage with collection bulbs at the ends. These are pinned to my surgical bra. We have to drain the bulbs two to three times a day and keep track of how much fluid is coming out. We also have to change the dry dressings on the incisions daily as well. Beni has been a trooper about helping out with this! It's not totally disgusting, but not pleasant either. We are hoping that at our follow up appointment with the plastic surgeon on Monday morning, ALL of these drains will be removed. That will be a huge step in the recovery process.

The pain was never bad. For the first 24 hours I had a pain button, which I pressed as needed every 8 minutes or so, but on Wednesday, that was removed and I was given oral pain medicine every few hours. I was never in pain, but did take the meds when my chest felt sore and tight.

On Thursday morning, I walked some more around the halls and by the time Beni arrived I was ready to be sent home. The nurse showed us how to change the dressings on the incisions and how to empty the drains and we were off! Just being at home has been tremendous in the recovery process! Sitting on my own furniture and laying in my own bed - without constantly being interrupted every few hours is just what the doctor ordered. I feel much better every day.

Beni has been a fantastic nurse and caregiver! All I have to do is ask for something and there it is and he follow's the nurses orders for caring for me perfectly! Unfortunately, on Friday, my first full day home, we got a call from the school nurse that Frankie had thrown up. He came home and was shaking like a leaf. Beni covered him and he was asleep instantly. When he awoke, he complained that his chest hurt. Later, he had the same complaint so we called his pediatrician who instructed Beni to take him to the ER. Poor Beni, going to the hospital, yet again, and I could do nothing to help. After x-rays, it seems Frankie has a slight case of pneumonia. They sent him home with a shot of antibiotics and a prescription and we have to take him the doctor on Monday or Tuesday. When it rains, it pours. On the bright side, we did also get good news that day. My breast surgeon called with the pathology report results and ALL of the cancer was removed. No residual cancer cells were found in the removed lymph node. Hooray!

My hair is growing on the back and sides, but sadly, the front is still shy. I seriously hope that I did not get a receding hairline during my cancer treatment. I surely didn't have one before this all started. Here are the latest pics:

I think I may see some eyelash stubble growing out, but I may just be overly hopeful. I am hoping that by the time I am ready to head back to work, the hair on the top front will be filled in more so that I can go wig-less and perhaps color it brown again.

I'm sure I am forgetting some funny story, or detail, but I will add more as they come back to me. Here is one to leave off with. As a teacher, my colleagues and I are always laughing about "creatively" spelled names. Well, on the white board in my room was this word - Neondraye. I kept looking at it and thinking it was one of the meds I was on or something, until one of the techs helping me answered her cell phone and said, "This is Neondraye." Ooh! Another one to add to the list!

Goodbye, Girls!

So, I've stayed pretty occupied up until this point, preparing lesson plans for my subs and getting things in order, but this weekend I had time to think about my surgery tomorrow and realized, I don't want to think about it. I spent a little time looking at pictures on Google of mastectomies and reconstructions and did a little research on recovery time. Just enough to satiate my curiousity. I don't want to think about it anymore.

A part of me wanted to have a picture of "my girls" so I could remember them the way they were, but I figured, isn't every picture of me a reminder of what my breasts looked like? Plus, I didn't want a picture of my boobs on my iPhone or my computer to be found someday by someone who had no business seeing them.

So instead, in keeping with my positive and if-you-don't-laugh-you'll-cry attitude, I decided to write an homage. Here it is:

Goodbye, Girls [sung to the tune of Goodbye Earl by the Dixie Chicks]

Fran and her boobs were the best of friends,

From ten until 42,

With Victoria Secret push-up bras,

She was happy with a B, 32,

After getting married they stayed the same,

Beni was a big fan, too,

Life was good for Fran, you see, while she had her girls.

It was almost two years after she got married,

Fran started feelin’ sick,

She was pregnant for the first time,

And her girls were gettin’ big.

Beni was excited to see them grow,

The bigger the better, he’d say,

Fran went from a B to C,

But there’d be more expansion some day.

A second baby came along and the girls went strong,

Another whole cup size they grew.

Then eight years later, after cancer invaded,

It didn’t take long to decide

The girls had to die, goodbye girls!

That carcinoma? Oh yeah, it’s over, girls!

You’re killin’ me? I’m gonna set you free, girls!

It’ll be best, when you’re off my chest, girls!

It was July of 2011,

When Fran got the bad news,

Invasive Lobular Carcinoma,

This was a fight she couldn’t lose.

After lots of bloodwork and lots of tests,

And a couple biopsies,

Eighteen rounds of chemotherapy,

She was fighting this disease.

After one full month of recuperating,

It was time for surgery,

Though the cancer was only on one side,

It didn’t take long to decide,

Both girls had to die! Goodbye, girls!

You tried to kill; your blood’s gonna spill, girls!

I’ll get re-racked, after you’re attacked, girls!

My new set, will be better, I’ll bet, girls!

Latest Obsession

My latest obsession has been watching the daily non-progress of my eyebrows and eyelashes. I have researched it on the web, and they do take longer to grow back than the hair on my head, but I'm ready to have them back!

My other newest obsession is Pinterest and the combination is lethal. I find myself scrolling through pictures in the "Hair and Beauty" section looking for the perfectly-shaped eyebrow to model my own after when they grow in. Below is one of my faves:

When I watch t.v., I find myself looking at every female actress's eyes and admiring their make up, wishing I had eyelashes, too.

Maybe this is just my way of keeping distracted and not thinking about my up-coming surgery in less than a week. Maybe, but maybe not. I just really want my eyebrows and eyelashes back!

Something Sweet, Surgery Date and a Hair Update

First for something sweet . . . My friend Megan sent me a picture that her daughter Madelyn made at school for a first grade Martin Luther King Jr. "I have a dream project." It says, "I have a dream that no one will be sick." When Megan first saw it she said, "Oh, that's nice," but Madelyn clarified for her, "So people like Miss Fran won't get sick and will feel better." God bless my little friend Madelyn.

Last Tuesday I drove through the snow to an appointment with my breast surgeon. She checked me out and noted that the tumor had gotten smaller but that I would still need to have a mastectomy. I expected as much. I told her that I was opting to have a double mastectomy since my other breast contains several fatty and liquid-filled cysts and I am concerned that those may make it difficult to detect possible cancerous growths in the future. She said that was a valid reason and agreed to do the double mastectomy. She told me she works with my plastic surgeon on Tuesdays and how asked how next week sounded. Next week?!!! I didn't think doctors worked that fast. I was not prepared for that on many different levels. This coming Tuesday is the first day of a new semester, I have no lesson plans prepared for a long-term sub AND a week wouldn't give me ample time to contemplate the whole ordeal and prepare myself mentally. We decided to go with January 31st so that I can get to know my students for a couple of weeks and get lessons ready for a substitute. I will be requesting a month off, but will be hoping to return after two or three weeks.

As for my hair. Since I see it every day in the mirror, I don't think it has grown much. But when I took the photos below and compared them to the ones taken at the end of December, I an see an improvement.



Hopefully by the time my recovery time from surgery is over and I go back to work my hair will be long enough to color and I can get rid of the wig! My new concern is my eyebrows and eyelashes. I find myself staring at other people's eyelashes with envy. Every day I look in the mirror, hoping for some sign of new growth, but nothing.

So that's my latest update. I know that those of you who read this are always praying for us, but say a special prayer on Jan. 31st. I am a little nervous - not so much about the surgery itself, but about how it will feel coming out of it. I have never had a major surgery in my life and have only been under general anaesthesia once before for an orthoscopic procedure and I remember that feeling really bizarre. I know I will be fine, but I can't help but worry a little. Hopefully, like all I've been through already, this aspect of the journey will be smooth and relatively pain-free, too.

Will Work for Implants

So, last week we got our bill from the visit to the plastic surgeon. I'm going to have you guess how much it was for, but here is some more information, so you can make an educated guess:

This was the first time we set eyes on this man. The appointment was basically a consultation to meet with the doctor that my breast surgeon and oncologist recommended to do my reconstructive surgery after the mastectomy. We were probably in the office no more than 30 to 45 minutes and we were in the physical presence of the plastic surgeon for 20 minutes tops and that is being really generous. He explained the procedure and looked at and felt my boobs for maybe 60 seconds. Now, I am not saying that his job isn't important, or trying to downplay his expertise, but I do not think that in any way was our time with this man worth this much money. I shudder to think what the price tag will be when I have to go in weekly to get my "spacers" filled and thank God for insurance because the cost of two surgeries could probably buy me a small island in the Caribbean!

So, did you guess? If not, do so now. My short, informal appointment cost $400. Luckily, we only had to pay $15. but still I find it absolutely ridiculous. As Beni said, "I got into the wrong profession!" Granted, I could never have become a surgeon - I couldn't cut into the frog in high school biology class, let alone another human being, but even if I could have, I can't imagine making that much money for less than half an hour of work! Let's say he sees three patients an hour for six hours a day. That would mean he makes $7,200. a day. I make that in about two months if not more! That's not including surgeries that I'm sure he does weekly! Yikes!

So, unlike Beni who feels he should have become a doctor, I have to look at things more realistically. I didn't have the good grades in science to get me there, so instead, I should have hung out with more pre-med majors and MARRIED a doctor!

Seriously, though, I have to ask why. Does he charge this just because he can? All I did was sit in a room. The only cost was for the cleaning of the gown I wore and the paper that had to be replaced on the patient table after I left the room. What about that appointment cost $400.? Is it his expertise? His charm and good looks? Why isn't my expertise as a teacher worth as much?

I'll just end by saying again how grateful I am for good insurance. Thank you District 204 for having Blue Cross/Blue Shield and for covering our butts. If it wasn't for them, my family would be out on the streets. You'd see me on the median of New York Ave. and Rt. 59 with a cardboard sign, "Will work for implants." : )

Hair!

Ever since I had to shave my head in late August because the chemo was causing my hair to fall out, I felt like I looked like a witch. It finally occurred to me why I thought this. It all stemmed from my favorite childhood television show, Sesame Street. I recalled a little sketch that I'd seen probably about a thousand times between the ages of two and ten (I have two younger siblings), when Sesame Street was "brought to me by the letter W" about a witch named Wanda who takes off her wig to show a spiky bald head. Well, having what some people call "Google-heimers", which is when you think of something you want to look up on the internet and then forget what it was by the time you get to a computer, it took me until now to find the clip. Here it is for you - the reason I felt like a bald witch:

A lot of people have asked, so I assume that a lot more are curious. They want to know, when you lose your hair on your head, do you lose your hair everywhere? The answer is yes and no. I can't speak for everyone, but personally, I lost hair everywhere - yes, everywhere - except for my arms. Don't ask me why the hair on my arms did not fall off, but it didn't. Eyebrows, eyelashes, legs, armpits - gone. Best. Brazilian. Ever.

It is starting to grow back ever so slowly. For the past month and a half or so the hair on my head has been growing in. It is a super-fine, downy-soft fuzz that the chemo nurses tell me is just the beginning of new hair growth. The really toxic chemo I had in my first round which made the hair fall out in the first place has worn off and since the second round chemo isn't as toxic as the first, it has started coming back in. Once I finish chemo completely - one more appointment- then real hair - not just feathery-soft stuff - will start to come in.

The unfortunate part of my re-growth is that my hair is coming in totally gray. I have had to color my grays for years and in that time I have said that I would bet that if I stopped dying my hair it would be totally gray, and guess what? I was right! If there is any dark hair left, it is all in the back. What I can see when I look in the mirror is gray and right around my face - totally white. Thanks to my late Nonna Carmela for passing on that gene! Take a look:

It's so fine, that it's hard to see:

Here's a closer look:

And an even closer look:

So, it looks like I'll be wearing my wig for a while yet. Unless this gray hair looks totally stylin', which I seriously doubt it will, I'll have to wait until it's long enough to color again. Will it be three different shades of brown since it's white in the front, gray in the middle and dark in back? Time will have to tell. In the meantime, I'll keep you posted of the return of hair!

The Twelve Days of Chemo

In honor of the holiday season and my last chemo treatment next week on December 29th, I've written a little spoof:

On the twelfth day of treatment, my chemo gave to me,

Twelve days of nausea,

Eleven missing tastebuds,

Ten toes a'numbing,

Nine Benadryl naps,

Eight veins a'hiding,

Seven food aversions,

Six days of recoop,

Five minute showers,

Four hour visits,

Three eyelashes,

Two missing eyebrows,

And one fuzz-covered, bald head!

Happy Holidays!