Chemo Sucks

This week was an icky week. In the past, I had pretty much learned that chemo day - Thursday, was relatively side-effect free with the exception of hot flashes and a mild headache. Friday was similar, but nothing major. Saturday brought on the achiness and lethargy and Sunday followed and Monday and possibly Tuesday brought on flu-like headache, achiness and general exhaustion.

A week ago on Friday, I came home and wrote up my lesson plans for Monday and Tuesday. I figured if I needed to miss those days, I would have the plans ready to go and wouldn't have to get up early to write them. It was an easy week, anyway. I was showing a movie in 3 out of 5 classes.

Around this time I began to lose my tastebuds. Eating bland foods like Wheat Thins tastes like eating a thin, cripsy piece of cardboard. A pickle still tastes like a pickle, but unless it's something really spicy or flavorful, it all tastes kind of blah. My mouth has been getting dryer and dryer. I feel, at times, like something is pinching the back of my throat. I need to have something to drink near me at all times. Carbonated drinks seem to taste best, though I don't know why. When I wake up I feel like someone has shoved cotton in my mouth ala Marlon Brando in The Godfather.

On Saturday, I had a cold - congestion, runny nose. I took Dayquil and stayed home from my neice's Sweet Sixteen surprise party that night. I felt pretty miserable.

On Sunday, I just lounged around, reading and resting. Beni busted his butt cooking two meals for the week. Maybe three. Having rested all day, I felt a lot better by Sunday night, so I thought I'd see how I felt in the morning before deciding to call in sick on Monday.

Monday morning, I felt okay. I knew I'd have an easy day of movie-watching and reading with my other classes, so I sucked it up and went to work. I was tired all day and had a little nausea head ache all day, but it was okay. I came home and napped and warmed up the Italian wedding soup for dinner that Beni had made the day before. We ate dinner and on my second bowl of soup, the nausea suddenly kicked in again and BAM! Run to bathroom. No more soup in my belly.

After that I decided I had over-done for a Monday. I took the day off Tuesday. I ate toast and drank tea and slept a lot. I ate chicken soup for dinner. My fear of looking at the boys' dinner made me ruin that, as well. It was pasta with fava beans that my in-laws had prepared and frozen the sauce for and I had to literally almost close my eyes as I transferred the sauce to the pan to warm in up, for fear of losing my toast. According to the boys, dinner didn't taste so good.

I do have pills for nausea, but they make me sleepy, so I don't like to take them at work or when I have to drive.

Wednesday I went back to work. It was another easy day of standardized testing all day long. Lots of sitting for me. I still felt a little iffy about food, so ate toast for breakfast and chicken soup for lunch. Was a little nervous about the smells of other people's lunches in the lunch room, but everything turned out okay.

As the week continued, the nausea dissipated. By Friday, I felt relatively normal, but the sad part is that it used to be Tuesday or Wednesday when I felt normal. My normal days are becoming fewer and farther between. I have only one more A and C chemo treatment and I dread it. The idea of that lousy, sinus feeling I get from one of the treatments makes me feel nauseated all over again. I try not to think about it.

After that treatment I start weekly visits for Taxol and Herceptin. Herceptin is side-effect free. My mom was in the clinical trial 10 years ago and raves about how great it is. Taxol is still a chemo treatment with side effects, but the nurses tell me the side effects aren't as bad. What worries me is that my treatments will be weekly and that even if there are only one or two bad days afterwards, that gives me only three "normal" days to recooperate.

I think that chemo, thought it does take a physical toll on your body, is more of a mental exhaustion. It's the thought of always looking ahead at what's to come, knowing you are going to feel icky for 12 more weeks or 18 or whatever the doctors have told you you will have to endure.

I am so glad that I have work to distract me. I can't imagine what I would do sitting at home having these thoughts constantly. My students this semester are beyond awesome! They are the sweetest, most caring and most motivated I have had in ages! I love being with them on my good days and even on my bad ones, they make me feel loved and always ask how I'm feeling.

Tomorrow is the 5K Susan G. Komen Walk. I will post some pictures of my awesome team of friends and family that are walking with me and thanks to everyone who donated funds to find a cure!

I am blessed.