Keeping that in mind, I have spent the past few days coming to terms with the idea that my achy back and inability to catch my breath at times had nothing to do with stress and anxiety but was a sure sign that cancer had spread to my lungs. What if my constant forgetfulness was due to the cancer possibly growing in my brain?
Not every moment in the past few days was spent thinking these thoughts. Sometimes - like when I was watching Kardashian re-runs - I was fine. Confident even, that things would all turn out okay.
Relatively speaking, things DID turn out okay. Not good. Not great. Okay. This is what I learned today.
* The cancer has not spread to my lungs or brain.
* I have Invasive Lobular Carcinoma or ILC (as I had suspected based from my internet research).
* It is at Stage III, which is better than Stage IV
* It is HER2 positive - which is a good and bad thing if you have to have cancer. It makes the cancer cells grow faster BUT is very treatable with a chemotherapy called Herceptin.
* I have two options: surgery followed by chemo or chemo and then surgery
* I have to meet with an oncologist later this week to decide which route to take
After the appointment and after dinner, Beni and I told the boys. There were not as many tears on my part as I thought. I think it might even have been harder on Beni than me. Mario was angry and didn't want to look at me. He was mad I hadn't told him sooner because he knew something was wrong from the time when we were in California and I had received a phone call from my ObGyn and cried. I asked for his forgiveness. He didn't grant it right away, but I think we're good now. Frankie was upset. He cried a little and asked a lot of questions; I was very proud of him. He asked me if I was scared and I told him I was and that is was okay to be scared and to cry. He told me he wouldn't snuggle with me until it was all over. He thought I might be contagious. It wasn't until they both had calmed down a little and Mario looked up the question "Is cancer contagious" on the internet that Frankie gave me a hug and a kiss. He said that daddy told him hugs were like magic for people going through cancer.
After that, I talked to my mom. When I mentioned Herceptin, there was instant relief in her voice. When she had her mastectomy back in 2000, after her chemo and radiation, she participated in a gene therapy trial for a brand new "miracle" drug called . . . can you guess? . . . Herceptin! More than 10 years later, that may be the drug that saves my life! I am taking this as a good sign.
10 comments:
All I can say is this, you were, are, and always will be strong. I admire you for the love, understanding. And strength you show your family. Be well and keep being you.
Jonathan (but my friends, even those from 6th grade, call me JONO.) :-)
Thank you for keeping us all posted Fran. I know I'm one of MANY people whose constant positive thoughts are sent your way. Keep blogging... for yourself & the rest of us!
Whew, its good to have answers and good that it is so treatable.
I am proud to be part of your support network, Fran, stay strong!
Fran I was invited to view your blog by our mutual friend Julie DeNood. She and my sister go way way back and she has been a great friend to our family for years. I was diagnosed with Stage III IDC Invasive ductal carcinoma in the breast in June of 2004. Through surgeries, chemo, radiation, and lots of love and support I've been healthy as can be from the time that I was diagnosed. I just wanted to say welcome to the Survivor's Circle. If you'd like, we would be honored to put your name on the shirt one of us wears in the Twin Cities Breast Cancer 3 Day walk in August. This will be my sixth walk in the twin cities to help raise funds for treatment and research. It's a very humbling experience over the course of the 3 days it takes us to walk 60 miles. Another item I wanted to pass on is that I got a wealth of information and support through the american cancer society message boards. You can get on there and then choose your specific type of cancer ie breast to talk with people going through the same fight as you are. I actually became friends with a woman in SC who's treatment ran very closely to mine, so much in fact that we ended our radiation on the same day within 10 minutes of each other! That was 7 years ago and we still correspond. One of these days I plan on meeting her in person. Julie has all my contact information if you feel like you would ever want to get in touch. SOmetimes it's just helpful to "talk" to someone that has been through the battle. I know many people came forward with support for me when I was first diagnosed. Hugs to you and your family! You sound like you are fighter and ready to take the bull by the horns and kick cancer's butt!!
Fran, I am so happy to hear your possitive outlook at this. We will keep you and your family in our thoughts and prayers!!! I know there is power in prayer. We love you so much.
Fran....Thanks for sharing this news! Hang in there! I think you did great telling the boys! Think of it has one hurdle that is DONE and behind you! The next hurdle will be behind you soon. Rest.
Love ya.
Thank you all for your support and words of encouragement and love. #2 Anonymous, I have no idea who you are. Ellen Christopherson, I will ask Julie for your email. Thank you so much. I can already see how this "curse" is bringing me so many blessings in the form of strangers reaching out and becoming friends.
My Love to you, When I saw you face at your Mom's I knew, But I also knew it was going to be ok. Stay strong and know that we are behind you 100%
Debbie
Fran, you will be in our family's thoughts and prayers.
Thoughts and prayers being sent your way from the UAE... thanks for keeping us posted with the updates. I thought the part about the Herceptin was really awesome.
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