Goodbye, Girls!

So, I've stayed pretty occupied up until this point, preparing lesson plans for my subs and getting things in order, but this weekend I had time to think about my surgery tomorrow and realized, I don't want to think about it. I spent a little time looking at pictures on Google of mastectomies and reconstructions and did a little research on recovery time. Just enough to satiate my curiousity. I don't want to think about it anymore.

A part of me wanted to have a picture of "my girls" so I could remember them the way they were, but I figured, isn't every picture of me a reminder of what my breasts looked like? Plus, I didn't want a picture of my boobs on my iPhone or my computer to be found someday by someone who had no business seeing them.

So instead, in keeping with my positive and if-you-don't-laugh-you'll-cry attitude, I decided to write an homage. Here it is:

Goodbye, Girls [sung to the tune of Goodbye Earl by the Dixie Chicks]

Fran and her boobs were the best of friends,

From ten until 42,

With Victoria Secret push-up bras,

She was happy with a B, 32,

After getting married they stayed the same,

Beni was a big fan, too,

Life was good for Fran, you see, while she had her girls.

It was almost two years after she got married,

Fran started feelin’ sick,

She was pregnant for the first time,

And her girls were gettin’ big.

Beni was excited to see them grow,

The bigger the better, he’d say,

Fran went from a B to C,

But there’d be more expansion some day.

A second baby came along and the girls went strong,

Another whole cup size they grew.

Then eight years later, after cancer invaded,

It didn’t take long to decide

The girls had to die, goodbye girls!

That carcinoma? Oh yeah, it’s over, girls!

You’re killin’ me? I’m gonna set you free, girls!

It’ll be best, when you’re off my chest, girls!

It was July of 2011,

When Fran got the bad news,

Invasive Lobular Carcinoma,

This was a fight she couldn’t lose.

After lots of bloodwork and lots of tests,

And a couple biopsies,

Eighteen rounds of chemotherapy,

She was fighting this disease.

After one full month of recuperating,

It was time for surgery,

Though the cancer was only on one side,

It didn’t take long to decide,

Both girls had to die! Goodbye, girls!

You tried to kill; your blood’s gonna spill, girls!

I’ll get re-racked, after you’re attacked, girls!

My new set, will be better, I’ll bet, girls!

Latest Obsession

My latest obsession has been watching the daily non-progress of my eyebrows and eyelashes. I have researched it on the web, and they do take longer to grow back than the hair on my head, but I'm ready to have them back!

My other newest obsession is Pinterest and the combination is lethal. I find myself scrolling through pictures in the "Hair and Beauty" section looking for the perfectly-shaped eyebrow to model my own after when they grow in. Below is one of my faves:

When I watch t.v., I find myself looking at every female actress's eyes and admiring their make up, wishing I had eyelashes, too.

Maybe this is just my way of keeping distracted and not thinking about my up-coming surgery in less than a week. Maybe, but maybe not. I just really want my eyebrows and eyelashes back!

Something Sweet, Surgery Date and a Hair Update

First for something sweet . . . My friend Megan sent me a picture that her daughter Madelyn made at school for a first grade Martin Luther King Jr. "I have a dream project." It says, "I have a dream that no one will be sick." When Megan first saw it she said, "Oh, that's nice," but Madelyn clarified for her, "So people like Miss Fran won't get sick and will feel better." God bless my little friend Madelyn.

Last Tuesday I drove through the snow to an appointment with my breast surgeon. She checked me out and noted that the tumor had gotten smaller but that I would still need to have a mastectomy. I expected as much. I told her that I was opting to have a double mastectomy since my other breast contains several fatty and liquid-filled cysts and I am concerned that those may make it difficult to detect possible cancerous growths in the future. She said that was a valid reason and agreed to do the double mastectomy. She told me she works with my plastic surgeon on Tuesdays and how asked how next week sounded. Next week?!!! I didn't think doctors worked that fast. I was not prepared for that on many different levels. This coming Tuesday is the first day of a new semester, I have no lesson plans prepared for a long-term sub AND a week wouldn't give me ample time to contemplate the whole ordeal and prepare myself mentally. We decided to go with January 31st so that I can get to know my students for a couple of weeks and get lessons ready for a substitute. I will be requesting a month off, but will be hoping to return after two or three weeks.

As for my hair. Since I see it every day in the mirror, I don't think it has grown much. But when I took the photos below and compared them to the ones taken at the end of December, I an see an improvement.



Hopefully by the time my recovery time from surgery is over and I go back to work my hair will be long enough to color and I can get rid of the wig! My new concern is my eyebrows and eyelashes. I find myself staring at other people's eyelashes with envy. Every day I look in the mirror, hoping for some sign of new growth, but nothing.

So that's my latest update. I know that those of you who read this are always praying for us, but say a special prayer on Jan. 31st. I am a little nervous - not so much about the surgery itself, but about how it will feel coming out of it. I have never had a major surgery in my life and have only been under general anaesthesia once before for an orthoscopic procedure and I remember that feeling really bizarre. I know I will be fine, but I can't help but worry a little. Hopefully, like all I've been through already, this aspect of the journey will be smooth and relatively pain-free, too.

Will Work for Implants

So, last week we got our bill from the visit to the plastic surgeon. I'm going to have you guess how much it was for, but here is some more information, so you can make an educated guess:

This was the first time we set eyes on this man. The appointment was basically a consultation to meet with the doctor that my breast surgeon and oncologist recommended to do my reconstructive surgery after the mastectomy. We were probably in the office no more than 30 to 45 minutes and we were in the physical presence of the plastic surgeon for 20 minutes tops and that is being really generous. He explained the procedure and looked at and felt my boobs for maybe 60 seconds. Now, I am not saying that his job isn't important, or trying to downplay his expertise, but I do not think that in any way was our time with this man worth this much money. I shudder to think what the price tag will be when I have to go in weekly to get my "spacers" filled and thank God for insurance because the cost of two surgeries could probably buy me a small island in the Caribbean!

So, did you guess? If not, do so now. My short, informal appointment cost $400. Luckily, we only had to pay $15. but still I find it absolutely ridiculous. As Beni said, "I got into the wrong profession!" Granted, I could never have become a surgeon - I couldn't cut into the frog in high school biology class, let alone another human being, but even if I could have, I can't imagine making that much money for less than half an hour of work! Let's say he sees three patients an hour for six hours a day. That would mean he makes $7,200. a day. I make that in about two months if not more! That's not including surgeries that I'm sure he does weekly! Yikes!

So, unlike Beni who feels he should have become a doctor, I have to look at things more realistically. I didn't have the good grades in science to get me there, so instead, I should have hung out with more pre-med majors and MARRIED a doctor!

Seriously, though, I have to ask why. Does he charge this just because he can? All I did was sit in a room. The only cost was for the cleaning of the gown I wore and the paper that had to be replaced on the patient table after I left the room. What about that appointment cost $400.? Is it his expertise? His charm and good looks? Why isn't my expertise as a teacher worth as much?

I'll just end by saying again how grateful I am for good insurance. Thank you District 204 for having Blue Cross/Blue Shield and for covering our butts. If it wasn't for them, my family would be out on the streets. You'd see me on the median of New York Ave. and Rt. 59 with a cardboard sign, "Will work for implants." : )