Gone . . . Going . . . Gone

It. Is. Done. Forty-two years of hair sits in the garbage can. I have never been bald - ever! I was born with a full head of nice dark hair and have had it since. Until today. Today, I am not quite bald, but a #1 buzz, ala G.I. Jane. The cancer reading material recommends leaving a little around as to not irritate your scalp.

Beni was very sweet and asked me about fifteen times if I really wanted to this because we could wait. I knew it had to get done, yet I couldn't help but shed tears before, during and after. As I sat in the kitchen chair and Beni hacked away with the scissors, I felt like a Holocaust Jew in the movie Schindler's List. (I guess it doesn't help that we are starting a Holocaust novel in class right now.) The boys watched intermittently and thought it was weird, but were really good about the whole thing.

When the ordeal was over, Beni cleaned up and I went and took a shower and got all the hair off. I tried on the wig and trimmed the bangs. Not sure they are where they need to be, but better too long than too short.

If you dare, scroll down to see what I look like sans hair. It's definitely bizarre, but what they hell - if any of you asked, I'd show you, so why not post some pics and have some fun!

Eat your heart out Sinead O'Connor! Actually, I look more like Beverly from "The Voice".

Gotta laugh about it . . .

Silly faces with Frankie in my new gray turban . . .

More silly faces with Mario . . .

Love is . . . loving someone so much you'll get the same haircut!

I Don't Wanna Hair Cut!

Today is the day. This morning as I was flat ironing my already straight hair, more than usual came out. All I had to do was lightly grab a few strands and out they came, painlessly. Today, at work, I showed my co-worker and friend who is a breast cancer survivor, a handful of hair and asked, "Is this what it looks like when your hair starts falling out?" She replied, "It's time."

So, in an hour or two, after we eat dinner and wash the dishes, Beni will shave my head but all day I kept thinking, "I don't wanna hair cut!" It has been years since I have said those words and years since I've meant it. I have NEVER seen myself bald! I remember being mad when my dad (a barber) would cut my hair too short as a child and I thought I looked like a boy. What am I going to think NOW? Ugh. The idea of looking at a bald me in the mirror is sickening.

At the same time, I think it will be a relief to no longer wait for "the-falling-out-of-the-hair" to happen. It will be nice to not have hairs all over the bathroom floor. It will be nice to have a few extra minutes to sleep in the mornings, but I'd trade all of those things to keep my hair.

It's time to look like a cancer patient, I guess. It will be weird to be bald but feel fine. This is so weird. Consider this my pre-hair loss blog. I will post another tonight when it is all gone. If you're lucky, and I can stand to, I might even post a picture. I shudder to think.

Hair Today . . . Gone Tomorrow

This has been a slow blogging week simply because I have been feeling really good - pre-cancer normal, in fact. Feeling this way has made me realize that teaching will not be as big of a challenge as I had first anticipated. In fact, being at work on my normal days has been a great thing, helping me to forget there is anything wrong with me. I haven't taken a nausea pill or Extra-strength Tylenol all week! I haven't needed a nap all week either! These are all great signs. Of course, I realize that this may change, and if it does, come what may, but if it keeps up at this pace, kicking cancer in the butt will be as easy as 1-2-3! I just keep repeating my new mantra, "One day at a time."

My next chemo treatment is on Thursday of this week. That means I have a few more days of feeling good before the cruddy feeling returns. I will take a half day on Thursday to go to my treatment and am hoping to work on Friday with the help of the nausea meds. Friday I will go for my Neulasta shot and then feel icky through the weekend. Luckily, Monday is the Labor Day holiday and that will give me an extra recovery day without having to call in sick. If I feel well Tuesday, I will go to work, if not, that is only one sick day and then hopefully I can work the next 8 work days through till the next treatment. That's my plan anyway.

Today marks Day 12 since my first treatment and it is typically Day 14 when the hair loss begins. I am waiting. So far, I have only noticed an ever-so-slight difference in the hairs that come loose as I blow dry and style my hair. Beni will tell you that I have always "shed like a dog", so seeing hairs on the bathroom floor when I am done has never been a shocker. All last week, I have left my hair curly, afraid that pulling a round, bristle brush through my hair to straighten it would only cause more hair to come out, but I really don't like my hair curly, so Saturday, having the time to spend, I straightened it. As I said, not much more than usual came loose, and it was just strands - not big clumps.

Waiting for your hair to fall out is strange. Every morning, when I get out of bed, I look at the pillow to see if anything got left behind. Every time I run my hand through my hair, I am afraid of what may happen. A part of me is ready to shave it all off and end the wait, but then again, I think if I were to do that, I would be the rare exception whose hair didn't fall out until Day 21 and I'd have shaved my head for nothing. Therefore, I am waiting it out. I am crossing my fingers that a small bit falls out during the day, with recurrences through the afternoon so that I can shave it off in the evening and simply start the next day with my wig. Waking up and having it fall out will be nightmarish, since Beni leaves for work before I get up. I dread the thought of going to work with bald patches on my head, though I'm sure everyone would understand. I doubt it happens that way anyway, but the mystery of it all is worrisome.

Maybe by my next post I will be sharing a photo of the new, bald and beautiful me. In the meantime, here is something to remember my hair by (please ignore the grays, I can't justify coloring them when they are about to fall out):

Start Spreadin' The News

Today I shared the news with my students. On the second day of school, which is the first full-day of class, I like to play a game with them to help us get to know each other. The game is "Two Truths and a Lie". You tell two things about yourself and one untruth and the rest of the class has to guess which of the three is the lie. You definitely learn some interesting stuff about each other. I used this as my way of sneaking in the topic of having breast cancer. My first hour Honors class has been unusually quiet both days. When I put my two truths and a lie on the board - one reading, "I have been diagnosed with breast cancer," you could hear crickets chirping. I got weepy as I told my students the whole story and welcomed their questions. More crickets. I think they were flabbergasted and didn't know what to make of it. Maybe it was too early for them to process. I took this as a sign that maybe I should be making a game of it.

Period three went so much better. I just told the students I needed to tell them something important and broke the news. They were much more interested it seemed and asked some questions at the end. Then we lightened the mood by playing the game with their two truths and a lie. My Tomcat Time advisory went well, also, and we had a group hug at the end. Maybe those girls have matured over the summer, because they seem less annoying than last year.

Seventh hour I had students ask if I needed a hug. I told them that I didn't need one, but if they wanted to give me one, I'd be happy to have one. I got two. During ninth and tenth I got a little weepy again, but for the most part, I think it was a great day and with the exception of my first hour, I was pleased with each class's reaction.

Word is already getting around. Between 8th and 9th period two former students came up to me and asked, "Ms., is it true?" I told them it was and they said, "If there is anything we can do . . ." So sweet. They gave me hugs and I told them I loved them (which I do because they are such fun and sweet and good girls). I'm sure I'll be getting more visits like this in the upcoming days and weeks.

I by no means wish this type of ordeal on anyone, but I do wish that at some point in their lives, everyone, whether I know them or not, has the opportunity - hopefully in health, rather than sickness - to comprehend the scope of how much they are loved and have impacted others. I am feeling that so, so powerfully at this point in my life and it is truly humbling. Thank you's will never be enough. I love you all and again, say thanks for the support!

God is Good

After spending my two weekend days feeling blah and flu-like, I said a prayer last night, "God, please give me the strength and fortitude (yes, I think both God and I laughed at that word, but it sounded right in a prayer) to get through my first day with students tomorrow. God is good and he listens.

This morning I woke up feeling better than I have in days. Relatively speaking, I felt normal. I got through the entire day with no meds for nausea or achiness. I met my students, for the shortened, half-day periods, and went through my speeches with ease. It wasn't till about 2 that I felt a little shoulder tension. At 9:30 p.m. I am going to take my first meds - my goodnight meds as I like to call them (a Wilhomena Johnson from A Raisin in the Sun reference for my English teacher friends) - and head to bed.

Tomorrow is my first full day, but if it is as good as today, I am not worried. You can bet I'll be saying my prayers as usual and hoping for similar results. God is good! Amen!

One Day at a Time

I took a break from blogging for a couple of days, but I hope that none of my avid readers were alarmed. It was just a busy week, with work starting on Thursday and I came home exhausted and really uninterested in spending time on the computer.

Wednesday was a crazy, hectic day. I slept in a bit and got myself ready and gave the boys lunch and from there we did running around all afternoon. We started at Target to get a birthday gift, followed by "Meet the Teacher" at the boys' school. They each met their teachers and were able to drop off all of their school supplies in their classrooms and see where they would be sitting. Then we headed out the playground for free ice-cream. From there we drove to my school district's reprographic department to place an order for 1,000 junior English grammar workbooks. Then we went home, so the boys could change into their swimsuits and go to the bathroom. Then it was off again to the CDH Cancer Center for my shot of Neulasta. I have to go get this the day after each chemo treatment. Neulasta tells my bone marrow to produce white blood cells faster than they usually would. One of the side effects can be bone pain. After the shot the boys had swimming lessons and then, FINALLY, we were home for good.

My first night after chemo was a little uncomfortable, but only because I was a stickler for what "nausea" meant. I didn't feel like throwing up, but I kept waking up with acid reflux. I ended up getting up and sleeping on the couch for a while. When I went in for the Neulasta I talked to the nurse practitioner about my symptoms and she said to go ahead and take the nausea meds for heart burn type symptoms, too. She was right. Thursday night I was able to sleep better, though I kept waking up wondering if I would be completely immobilized with bone pain in the morning. This was, luckily, not the case.

On Thursday morning - my first day back to work for teacher meetings - I got up and felt relatively good. No bone pain, no nausea. As I was getting ready, I felt a little stiffness in my back and neck, so I took two Extra Strength Tylenol and that worked instantly. When I got to work, I took a nausea pill and that got me through the day, though it made me feel very sleepy. I came home Thursday and just took a nap. I felt hot all night long, but otherwise, okay. "My own personal summer," as my mom would call it.

Now, I am taking the nausea pill and two Extra Strength Tylenol before bed every night and waking up fine. Friday was another long day of meetings, which I was certain I would fall asleep during, but luckily didn't. Came home and napped for an hour and then took the boys to their last (thank goodness!) swimming lesson for a while. Then I just laid around. When Beni came home, I told him it felt like the air conditioner wasn't working. Sure enough, it wasn't. When it rains, it pours, I tell ya!

Today was Saturday, and I tried my darndest to see how I would feel without any meds. Honestly, besides a slight nausea headache, I felt fine. I did a lot of laundry with breaks between folding and putting away and paid some bills. I took a nice long nap, but woke up with a headache for which I took some Tylenol. I told Beni, I just feel weak, like I have a stomach flu but without the stomach flu symptoms. Just weakness and a slight headache. So far this is definitely manageable, but the idea of dealing with this daily for the next year is trying. One day at a time.

More Great News Thanks to the Power of YOUR Prayers

I know that all of your thoughts and prayers are working! Not only did I feel more loved than maybe ever in my life yesterday with all of you texting, emailing and messaging me on Facebook that you were thinking of me, but this morning before 9 a.m. I got a call from my doctor's office with the CT Scan results. The cancer has not - I repeat NOT - metastasized! Hooray!

I am feeling fine this morning. Kind of a sleepless night last night due to the steroids they gave me to counteract the toxicity of the meds. I purposely stayed up till 12 reading The Hunger Games because I wasn't sleepy, but each time I almost fell asleep, I found myself coughing/gagging on acid reflux - not a usual occurance. Finally at 1:30 I went back downstairs, drank some Sprite, and watched an hour of HGTV and tried to sleep on the couch. That must have worked. At 5:00 Beni came down to get ready for his first day back at school and I went up to bed and slept a bit more. I have a really busy day with lots of errands to run before school starts for me tomorrow and am glad I am feeling up to it. Maybe I can sqeeze in a nap later.

Now, I go back to the original topic of getting a GREAT CT result. If you do not like profanity, please kindly stop reading here. If it won't bother you, and you can take it all in good fun, keep reading! Hey Cancer! Goodbye mutha fuckaaaaaaaaaah! [In the voice of the Asian guy from The Hangover.]

Chemo Cocktail #1 with an H2O Chaser

Today was my first chemotherapy. As I posted yesterday, I went in thinking it would be just another needle. For the most part this was true.

I was weighed in kilograms - which I really prefer since the number is soooo much lower than its equivalent in pounds! Then I was taken into my own personal chemo room with a nice recliner, pillow, t.v. and dvd player just for me. My nurse, Heather, inserted an IV needle into a vein on my right hand and began by taking a vial or two of blood to the lab to check that all was well and I could begin treatment. The lab work took no more than 20 minutes and I was given some anti-nausea meds. That IV was followed by another steriod anti-nausea med. The IV was going into me, but the nurse didn't think the flow was good on that hand, so she placed another one in my left hand. It didn't take, so another nurse, "The Vein Whisperer" as I called her, came and inserted it. Then we began a toxic red chemo cocktail that, if it comes in contact with tissue, inside or out, can burn. Heather donned a surgical paper cover-up and gloves and covered my arm with something so none of the "medicine" would come in contact with my skin if any dripped. I got three lovely syringe-fulls of that.

By that time 3 hours had passed and Beni and the boys came to pick me up and so they sat with me for the final treatment. This one would be given over the course of half an hour. As it began to enter my system, my head began to feel tingly, which worried me because a friend who's been through all of this told me her head felt tingly when her hair fell out. The sensation moved from the back of my head to my sinuses. Then my nose became almost instantly congested. I told the nurse and she said that no one had ever told her that before. Great! She went to look into it and came back to report that another nurse said that only one other person at the center experienced that reaction, so the next time they would give me that particular med over the course of an hour instead of only 30 minutes. Hopefully, letting it go in more slowly will get rid of the side-effects. After the IV was emptied into me, I waited for 15 minutes. Luckily, once the chemo was done, those tingly symptoms went away. The needle was removed and I was on my way.

I was glad the boys and Beni got to come and see where I will be and how it will look when I get my treatments. The place itself is very stylish and the people were very nice. Now I have to remember to drink my water - 64 oz. a day if not more - and pee every 2 hours to get the chemicals out of my system so they are not sitting in my bladder for extended amounts of time.

The only side effect I am experiencing so far is feeling flushed. I wouldn't call it hot flashes, because I am feeling constantly hot - no flashing, just steady hot. I've got the anti-nausea pills at the ready but the nurse said I probably won't need them right away.

One down, only 19 more to go!

It Must Be The Hot Dogs

I just got a phone call from my genetic counselor with Alexian Brothers to tell me the results of my BRAC Analysis. They were negative, meaning that my cancer is not genetic, but the result of some environmental cause.

I was convinced that it would have been positive, with a maternal grandfather who died of colon cancer, an uncle surviving rectal cancer, and an aunt and my mom who are both breast cancer survivors. Yet, this crazy disease surprises me once again.

The BRAC test looks at 88% of genes and mine were clear, which means I am back in the mix with the general population of non-genetic cancer patients in terms of a recurrence. Much better odds!

It all makes me wonder. What DID cause my cancer? My mother might say I ate too many hot dogs. She swears the preservatives and fillers are toxic and cause all kinds of problems - like ADHD and Aspergers. I'm sure she would throw cancer in as well. I do like hot dogs.

I have to ask myself if it was where I grew up. There is a strange, and in my opinion, Erin-Brocovich-type, occurance of cancer on the street where I grew up. On the bottom half of the block, there have been 10 cancer diagnoses in just 9 homes. It's enough to make you wonder. Maybe someday we'll have the answer.

MUGAs, CTs and Chemo . . . Oh My!

Today, at 9 o'clock, I went to CDH (my hospital) for my last two tests (for the time being). All that was involved in the MUGA scan (it's an acronym for something) was getting injected with some small amount of stuff and waiting 15 minutes. Then I was taken into a room with a large machine like the bone scan machine. I laid on the table and the technician put another IV into my arm with another fluid. He slid me into the machine so that my heart was under a diagonally placed x-ray frame and I stayed there for 10 minutes while the machine took pictures of my heart function. Much like the bone scan, I was able to see my heart - left and right ventricles - beating in my chest in dot matrix-style. By 9:30 I was done which was not a good thing since my CT wasn't until 12:00.

Luckily, the tech who did the MUGA was a really nice young med student who asked the ladies behind the desk to take me in early. Almost immediately after I settled into the chair in the waiting room, I was called to go in for the CT. They didn't realize that I was having a scan of my chest, abdomen and pelvis areas, so instead of putting me into the machine right away, I had to go sit in another waiting room and spend an hour drinking a 1/4 cup of barium every 1/4 hour. It wasn't too bad since they flavored it with either raspberry, peach iced-tea Crystal Light or vanilla. I went with the peach. It was like a bad smoothie from a place you would never go to again, but still not disgusting. I felt a little guilty when two other CT patients with appointments before my original noon time came in and drank their barium smoothies and I still got called in first. Oh well - I just didn't make eye contact with them on my way out. It wouldn't have mattered if we hadn't shared out appt. times while we were commenting on the taste of our smoothies, but I had told them I got snuck in early. Oops.

After the drink was finished the tech came to get me and again, I laid on a table that was slid into a machine. I was pricked again and told that at one point during the pictures, the IV would release iodine into my system and it would feel warm and almost like I was wetting myself. The guy in the waiting room had mentioned that, but I was skeptical. No joke, you feel it the instant the iodine hits your blood stream and it travels down the side of your body until it REALLY DOES FEEL like you've wet yourself. I mean, it feels so real, you are hoping you didn't let loose for real while you were feeling like you did! Crazy stuff! Luckily, when I got off the table I was still dry. How embarrassing would THAT have been!

I left the hospital WAY earlier than planned and got to spend the rest of the afternoon at home. Did some work for school, read some of The Hunger Games (another great Young Adult book!) and took the boys to swimming lessons where Mario earned the MOST IMPROVED certificate for the summer session. He really has come such a long way!

A few moments ago, Beni asked me how I'm feeling about tomorrow. "Excited? Upset?" Neither. I am kind of indifferent. I have had so many tests done that at this point chemo seems like another period of time where I will sit with a needle in my arm. I am definitely not excited. This isn't something I have been looking forward to, though I am glad to get it underway. The sooner we start, the sooner we finish. I admit that I am worried about the timing and how I will feel for the beginning of the school year, but there is nothing I can do about that but take it one day at a time. [Now the theme song from the late 70s sitcom is playing in my head]. I am also dreading my hair falling out, but I know that will come in time, too. Today, I received my mom's knit cap from when she underwent chemo in the mail from my sister. I also ordered three cotton skull caps for around the house and my wig should be ready before the hair falls out. Fingers crossed.

So, tomorrow is the big day. As Beni said, my fight begins tomorrow. I disagreed. I think the emotional and mental fight has already begun. The physical fight starts tomorrow. If I am feeling okay, I'll let you know all about it tomorrow evening. If not, give me a few days and I'll get you all caught up. So many of you have already reached out with messages letting me know you will be thinking of me and praying and each of those messages is like a big warm hug I will take with me to my chemo chair!

On your marks, get set, here we go . . .

Who'd Have Thunk It

Yesterday, I did something no woman thinks she will ever have to do. I went shopping for a wig. I was very lucky to have my friend, Jennifer, come along with me for both moral support and an honest opinion. We went to the American Cancer Society office in Oak Brook Terrace and met with the wig boutique volunteer, Maggie, who was very helpful and sweet.

When Jennifer and I entered the small boutique area at the back of the offices, we both had the same sinking feeling (though we discussed it after we'd left). The six or seven wigs on display, sitting on the traditional 70's style mannequin heads, looked like trashy wigs. We both secretly thought, 'Please let their selection be better than this!' (See above)

Luckily, Maggie, opened some cabinets and pulled out some samples from quite an assortment of colors and styles, all of which looked better than the ones sitting upon the plastic heads. Maggie was very accomodating and went along with my sense of humor when I asked to try on a red wig, just so I could take a picture as a joke to send to my neice, who has some strange aversion to red-heads (no offense to my red-headed friends). We mostly stuck with brunette mid to short styles and finally came to the choice above. It doesn't look as good as it should because it was a little small. Maggie is ordering it in a larger size and I should have it in a couple of weeks - just in time for the hair loss to hit. The best part is it is 100% FREE! Thank you American Cancer Society!

After wig shopping, a girl has to let off some stress, so Jennifer and I did a little shopping at Ulta for eye brow stencils and make up, Old Navy for a couple of tops - Hey! If a girl's gonna work, she needs a new back-to-school outfit! and window shopping at DSW. Then we headed to downtown Naperville to meet my other friend Megan for dinner at Catch 35. Great food, great company, a nice bottle of Pinot Grigio and a girl can forget that the hair she's wearing right now will not be there next month.

Susan G. Komen 5K

I am so flattered and honored that one of my besties, Jennifer Archer, started this for me. I haven't seen many responses on Facebook where she advertised this, so I am cutting and pasting it here! I don't know how I will be feeling to do a 5K at the end of September, so don't know if I will be there to walk, but I definitely want to be at the finish line to thank my friends! If you are in the area, and would like to walk, let me know and I can pass the word along to Jennifer. I believe she said it was a $30. registration fee which I am sure goes to support the cure!

Sunday, September 25th Susan G. Komen 5k in Lombard (Yorktown Mall). Join the team I started Friends of Francesca!

Woo hoo!

Good news, as of 5 minutes ago - bone scan results came back normal! Yay! Hoping and praying we get the same results on the CT scan next Monday.

Anticipation . . . oh it's making me wait

I am realizing that the longer one is forced to wait, the more likely it is for bad news to cross their mind. I was hoping that I would hear from my doctor today about the results of my bone scan yesterday. They said they'd have the results in 24 hours. Granted, I know that the doctor is busy and may not have even had time today to look at the report - if she even got it today. I just wish that my test results were as urgent to everyone on my "medical team" as they are to me!

The scan itself was much easier than I thought it would be. I went into the hospital diagnostic department at 11:30 and was taken back for a teeny-tiny injection. I was expecting to have to drink a gallon of stuff (in an earlier post I had said barium, but I was wrong. Isn't that what you drink before a colonoscopy?), but instead, they just gave me a drop of something that absorbs into my bones. Didn't feel a thing. Then I waited for two hours. I read more of The Help, which I am loving, and had a light lunch in the cafeteria. What a nice cafeteria CDH has! Deli, salad bar, sushi bar, paninis and all kinds of hot dishes, too! I just opted for a salad this time. At 1:30 I went back to have the scan done. I layed on a table like an MRI machine and the technician slid me in. There was an x-ray panel about 5 cm from my face. I stayed like that about 4 minutes and then the table moved back out ever-so-slowly as the x-ray panel captured my body. Once my head was out, I could see on a computer screen above me, what was being photographed, in tiny dot-art style black and white. Pretty cool. The whole thing lasted 20 minutes. Painless.

The painful part, as usual, is waiting.

A Night without Cancer

Last night Beni and I got to do something we probably won't be doing for a long while - or maybe for the next 15 years, since that is how long it took us to go to our first concert together. We went with two great, long-time friends, The Bucketheads, to see Blake Shelton and Brad Paisley in concert. What a great show! The entertainment was fantastic and the people-watching may just have rivaled it! Lots of cute, drunk, young cowgirls in boots and short shorts and one group of older, totally wasted, white trash two rows in front of us. Until last night I had never seen a woman with a beer gut. "Ridden hard and put away wet," as Beni would say, was the best way to describe her. Entertaining to say the least. I don't think I've ever been to a concert where so much beer was consumed and I've been to my share. At $11. a pop, I stuck with water and am proud to say that I was able to hold my pee the entire time! No waiting half an hour in line to sit in a nasty public restroom and listen to other chicks hurl for me, thank you. Brad Paisley, walked through the crowd in the seats, twice, stopping only twelve rows in front of us, to sing two songs. What a guy!

Somewhere during the show, I remembered, just for a moment or two, that I had cancer. It was surreal and bizarre. I had to ask myself, 'Wait, do I really have cancer, or was that just a bad dream?' It was hard to imagine that here I was, carefree and not thinking about it, but in less than a month, I will be bald and sick from chemo treatments. I made myself snap out of it and enjoy the rest of the night, knowing that those carefree moments would be few and far between in the next year. I know it will be fine and I am not sad. I just know it is going to be a rough road ahead. I know my friends and family will bring sunshine to my dark days and that in a year, I will be putting all of this behind me.

When we got the diagnosis, Beni wondered if we should still go to this concert. I said as long as we hadn't started treatment, or had surgery, why not? It was the best thing we could have done, because it was one big hoorah before I go on a little haitus, and one night that, for the most part, I was able to forget I have cancer.

First Chemo on August 16th

Drumroll please . . . My first chemo has been scheduled as of 5 p.m. today for 1 o'clock on Tuesday, August 16th. I am glad to be getting started with this so that the meds/chemicals can start killing/shrinking my tumor(s), but can't believe the ridiculously bad timing. The following Thursday, the 18th, I start work. The nurse who scheduled it said I'd probably feel worse the following week. Great! Just in time to meet my new students on the first day of school on the 22nd. They will hopefully get to see my real hair just before before it starts falling out in clumps. Maybe by the second week of school I will have a brand new look. Who wants to go wig shopping? Hit me up!

Tests Scheduled

So, yesterday, I posted that one of my frustrations is that the doctors seem to want what we do, which is getting this cancer nastiness in-check and out of my body ASAP but unfortunately, it seems that hospitals and insurance companies aren't as worried about me as I would like. My bone scan is scheduled for Monday, August 8th. I get to drink some Barium and then wait 2 1/2 hours until they run the test. Then I wait until the following Monday, August 15th, to have the MUGA scan and CT scan because I have to wait 48 hours minimum to get the Barium out of my system. That starts at 9 a.m. and ends around 1 p.m. I still have not heard a word about scheduling my first chemo. The waiting game continues . . .

Frustrations

So, the past few days have been spent stressing over what I should do about work. Ideally I would love to take off a semester or even a year and focus on nothing but getting better and resting, but it seems that we would have to make a HUGE lifestyle change in order for that to happen. Because I am a teacher and do not pay into Social Security, but rather TRS (Teacher Retirement System), and because my cancer is not work-related (or if it is, I can't prove it), I only am eligible for 40% of my salary. That won't be enough to pay the bills.

Of course, to make matters more frustrating, I am teaching a brand new Honors class which I had planned to prepare for when I got back from my California vacation in the middle of July. Well, needless to say, I have had more pressing issues on my mind since then and have been unable to concentrate on planning.

Many school districts, like Beni's, have what is called a Sick Day Bank. Naturally, my district does not. A sick bank allows employees to donate some of their sick days so that others who may need them can use them. For example, since Beni has never had to take maternity leave and stays home less often when the kids are sick, he has FAR MORE sick days accumulated than I do. He could donate 5 days to his district's sick bank and then a new mom or someone like me, could pick up those days to add to their own. My new mission is going to be to get our union to look into this! It will be too late for me, but might help someone else somewhere down the line.

Another frustration is that on Tuesday when we met with the oncologist, the nurse was supposed to schedule me for a CT scan, a MUGA scan, and a bone scan before the end of this week. This all needs to be done before I can start chemo. Wednesday went by without a word and today, when I called, she said she sent the order to the hospital and the hospital registration personnel would call me with the appointment information. I am still waiting. Why is it that the doctors all say that we want to get the ball rolling as quickly as possible, but there seems to be no rush to schedule appointments to get the ball rolling?!!!

Finally, how is it that I know of people on welfare, and people who are illegal immigrants, that have had operations and get all sorts of benefits for their care and recuperation, but as a tax-paying, hard-working, American citizen, I am going to have to struggle through my disease and work rather than recuperate in the way that a non-employed, welfare recipient would be able to do? I just don't get it! The system SUCKS!

I guess I'll stop complaining and get to work. It seems I have a lot of planning still to do.

My Treatment Plan

Today we met with my oncologist, Dr. Ferris. A little later than expected, but we met her. When the surgeon's office called to tell me they had made the appointment, they did not give me a specific doctor's name, just that I would be seeing one of four in the practice at 2:00 on August 2nd at the Cancer Center. Half hour after signing in at the Cancer Center, no one called us so I went to the desk to check. They asked if someone had called to confirm my appointment and I answered that no one had. Well, in my opinion, no one calling means that my appointment is still scheduled, right? Turns out that I was seeing the doctor, but not at the Cancer Center but at Central DuPage Hospital (a place neither Beni nor I have ever been). So, we got back to the car 45 minutes later and headed up Winfield Road to destination #2.

About an hour late we got to the office where we waited another half an hour or more to see the doctor. When she came in she was very nice and we spoke for a long time about treatment options. Here is what we decided:

I will have chemotherapy prior to surgery to shrink the tumor in my breast. I will have four chemo treatments of a drug known as AC over the course of eight weeks (once every two weeks). During that time, I can expect to lose my hair. So glad I was trying to grow it out. After that, I will have weekly TH chemo treatments, of something that the T stands for and Herceptin, that will last 12 weeks. Then I will take a three week break to get my blood counts ready for surgery. Then (as of now) a single mastectomy. If my BRAC test comes back positive, meaning I have the cancer gene, I may opt for a double mastectomy. Buh-bye girls! After surgery, I will continue the Herceptin treatment alone for one year. I will also have post-surgery radiation for 6 1/2 weeks, daily. I am going to be so sick of that darn Cancer Center in Warrenville!

One good thing that came out of today was that I was introduced to Central DuPage Hospital. What a beautiful hospital! It looks like a luxury hotel. Maybe I will have surgery there since both my surgeon and oncologist are affiliated with it. Anyone with either positive or negative feedback on experience with CDH, please let me know. Oh, another good thing was that we didn't get a ticket for parking in the employee garage. Since we had never been there before and since we were in a hurry, we parked there and didn't realize until we were heading into the hospital. We just kept our fingers crossed. Luckily, it worked out fine.

The bad part of the day is trying to contemplate what to do about work. I may start chemo as early as next week. School starts in two weeks. I will be losing my hair just in time to meet my new students. Not my idea of an ideal start to the school year. I only have 78 sick days (I will have 13 more after school starts) and there are 180 days of work. The idea of subs in and out of my room like a practically constant revolving door is almost unfathomable to someone as anal as me. How will my students respect me when I am gone so often? How will I be able to plan and grade papers when I am feeling like crap? If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know. I am reeling with confusion right now. I can't afford to take more than those 78 days off or we will be broke. If I work, I am going to be stressed and possibly exposed to germs that could be harmful if my white blood cells go too low. Unfortunately, in my district, we don't have a sick day bank that I can take advantage of. At this point, I will just say my prayers tonight and try to get some sleep and make some phone calls in the morning to see if I can figure something out.