Is Cancer the New Black? I Think Not!

Today I brought my laptop with me to chemo because I knew I didn't have many papers to grade and I'd be bored. While I was "in the chair" I had the idea to take a picture of myself "in the chair" so that when I talk about what it's like, you can have an idea of what I look like. Here is one of me and my lovely Herceptin drip:

Here is another of me, just so happy to be there:

On with the blog . . . So, the first step when sitting "in the chair" is getting blood drawn and checked so that the nurses can be sure your body can handle the chemo. The chemo doesn't even get mixed until the okay comes back from the lab. Today, my lab report showed that my hemoglobin was very low and that I am anemic (a common side-effect of chemo). Not low enough that they couldn't give me my treatment, but low enough that the doctor recommended that I get a blood transfusion. So, tomorrow at ten, I will take yet another unexpected day off of work and go to Central DuPage Hospital and spend six hours in a chair receiving some kind donor's blood. The idea is a little bizarre and scary, but I gotta do what I gotta do. The good news is that with healthy blood flowing through my veins I will be less anemic and have more energy. Maybe I won't spend this Saturday napping the day away.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but it is only the 20th and I feel like calling it Cancer Ad Nauseum Month. Cancer is everywhere. It seems no matter what I am watching on t.v., every commercial break has a commercial for either the American Cancer Society or the Cancer Treatment Centers of America. Is it just me getting that feeling? Is it like when you buy a new car and you notice a bijillion cars just like the one you bought on the road or does anyone else feel inundated with cancer talk? I understand the message about early detection and all, but sheesh!

I think I am well into the angry stage. I'm done with the sad, why me? stage. Now I am getting ticked off with stories of people who have easier journies than me. For example, a very nice co-worker that I have known for years, stopped me in the hall the other day and asked how I was doing. He told me his wife was a survivor. She had either a lump or mastectomy (not sure) and then 5 radiation treatments and was done. I was a little miffed - especially since she was diagnosed Stage III like me. I am having 20 chemos more than her AND four times as many radiation treatments after my surgery. What the heck? I know everyone is different, but it is annoying to hear.

I think it was the same night that I came home to hear on the news that Giuliana Rancic, the golden girl of the E! Network, was also diagnosed with breast cancer. Momentarily, I felt a sisterhood, especially when I saw a short clip of her breaking down in an interview. I never saw the full story on the news, so I googled her the next morning. First of all, she is having lumpectomies only (though she has tumors in both breasts) and then only has to undergo radiation. No hair loss for Giuliana. The sisterhood has been broken. I no longer feel I can relate to her. Done and done.

I know I said in an earlier post that I do not wish this experience on anyone, even my worst enemy, and I don't, but I can't help but be jealous of these celebrities who get diagnosed and are given oodles of attention and never even loose an eyebrow, like Christina Applegate and Sonia Vegara. They will go on to give dramatic tales of their journies and everyone will ooh and aah and shed their tears, when really those celebs are only really experiencing 1/4 of what some of us are having to go through.

I hate to be bitter, but at the same time, I think I've earned it. I am staying positive for the most part, but once in a while, when you have no hair, you feel nauseated like a first trimester pregnant woman, and your heartbeat pounds in your head when you climb a flight of stairs, you just can't help it.