Kids Can Be So Cruel

WARNING - This is a LONG one! Needed to vent.

This summer started off really well for Mario and the other kids in the neighborhood, but . . . Before I tell the story, let me give a little background on the setting and characters. We live one house away from the corner of our street. In the first house around the corner lives N, a third grader. Next door to him lives S, a fifth grader and the youngest of four boys. Next door to S live G (5th), E (1st) and A (K). Now, since we do not have fences around our yards, all of the kids can easily run through the back yards to get to each other's houses.

Still a little more background info - because they are older and the same age, G and S have always picked on Mario. S didn't come around much but G was around a lot because Mario would play with E. Last summer she frequented my back door a lot, letting me know when Mario peed outside or used profanities in the presence of the angelic-and-ever-so-­innocent others and criticizing me as she walked away because I hadn't flailed my son in front of her. Mario and E have always had an on-again/off-again relationship. I wouldn't have called them friends - just convenient playmates when needed.

When I first met E and A when we moved in two years ago, I knew their mom was the kind of mom that was too busy or self-involved to know what her kids were up to. A, a cute little blonde, blue-eyed thing, would come out to play, her hair a total rat's nest; obviously she woke up, dressed herself and went outside. Maybe her mom had seen her, maybe not. E has ALWAYS been sneaky. Never trusted that kid - he has that look in his eye that he's up to no good.

Okay, thanks for hanging in there. Here is this summer's drama. Mario loves playing with N and as far as I could tell, until this summer, I thought N liked playing with Mario. He was the only neighborhood kid that Mario played with all year long. Even on winter weekends and during Christmas break N would come over and play with Mario or vice versa. He's on our speed dial for God's sake!

It was probably around Spring Break when the cruelty started. N would be in the basement playing with Mario and the doorbell would ring. It would be E (sometimes with A, sometimes solo) and he'd ask, "Is N here?" Not "Is Mario here?" I'd say yes and he'd let himself in and go downstairs. Sometimes they'd all play together and sometimes N would just up and leave with E, leaving Mario upset and jealous. Once, around the same time, E, A and N all came over together and asked if Mario could play. They all went into the basement. About five minutes later Mario was crying hysterically. I asked what was wrong from the top of the stairs and up comes A with E and N behind her. She told me that Mario was crying because the three of them were going to a movie together with her dad and had to leave. I told her that it wasn't very nice of them to come over just to rub it in Mario's face that they were going to a movie and they left. Mario, with his ODD, was in hysterics for a good part of that day.

Same stuff has been happening all summer. E rings the bell, practically lets himself in and N leaves with him. I began answering the door and trying to block him from entering while I warned loudly, "Mario! E is here," but N would beat Mario up the stairs. Once, when Beni tried this, and E snuck in anyway and heard Mario's response - "Dammit" - E kicked a pile of stuff Beni had left at the top of the steps to take downstairs. Beni made him pick it up. Brat!

When Mario stormed home from N's house earlier this month and I asked what was wrong, he said that when he'd gotten there, E was already there. When 's mom let Mario in, E said, "N doesn't want to play with you." Supposedly N's mom told E that wasn't nice and went back to vacuuming. The dog, afraid of the vacuum jumped on the couch and accidentally scratched Mario's leg. Mario said, "Ouch!" and E laughed. Mario proceeded to punch E in the nose three times. When he told me this story, I sternly told him that he should not have hit E and that punching was not the way to handle the situation etc. but when he left, I pumped my fist in the air and shouted a silent, "Yes!" That brat had it coming!

Needless to say, I told Mario to stay inside. Undoubtedly, E would tell G and S and they'd all be on the war path, seeking revenge. Mario laid low for a couple of days and then one morning E and A showed up at our back door, "Can Mario play?" Beni asked Mario if he wanted to and having been confined indoors and naively glad to see that E had forgiven him, he went out with them. Five minutes later, he was back inside, threatening to kill them, his shirt soaking wet. Turns out that E and A had led him back to their yard where G and S were hiding with super-soakers. Mario stayed inside the rest of the day.

I'll give them that one. Maybe Mario had that coming for punching E, but that should have made them even. But no . . .

Just as we sat down to eat dinner, N, who hadn't been spending as much time with Mario lately, shows up and asks if Mario can play outside. Of course Mario wants to go immediately, but we told N he'd catch up to him after he ate his dinner. Mario scarfed down his food and ran out the door. Beni and I were totally suspicious. We were practically counting down the minutes. We had already warned Mario to be wary and come home if the other kids started trouble. Sure enough, here comes Mario, soaking wet again and in tears. Same thing - ambush with super-soakers - this time with E and S behind the triggers. Mario was devastated, not understanding why his friend N would trick him like that. My heart was breaking as he asked me, "Why would N do that? Doesn't he like me anymore? Is it because I'm the newest kid in the neighborhood? Now I have no friends." I reminded him about all of the friends he has outside of the neighborhood - from school, and the children of family friends. He was somewhat appeased by that.

A few days go by and my neighbor Kathy comes over to bring the boys one of her teenage son's old toys - a big styrofoam glider. As I talk to her on the back deck, the boys run around the yard trying out the plane. Soon they have an audience, N, S and E. They all begin to play together in my line of sight. I begin to explain to Kathy, whose kids are all teenagers, what's been going on and why I'm keeping such a close eye. As this is going on, Mario decides to put the plane in the house and go over to their yards to play. As Kathy and I are still talking, I hear Mario screaming inside and Beni asking him what happened. Next thing I know, Mario comes outside where I am and says, "Daddy just left to talk to their moms!" At this point I have no idea what happened. When Beni returns, he comes out and says he was only able to talk to E's mom. I asked what prompted this and he says the boys were hitting Mario with a whiffle ball bat. As the three of us are discussing the situation, here come the three boys and N asks if he can talk to Mario to appologize. I sit on my deck step and tell them that I want to talk to them first. I tell them, very calmly, that I don't like what is going on and that they are being mean. E says Mario was being mean, too, and he punched N in the eye. I ask N if this is true and he says yes. Mario has come out by now so I ask him why he punched N. He says N was laughing at him while E and S were hitting him with the bat. I tell N that it wasn't right for Mario to punch him but that it probably made Mario mad to hear someone who he thought was his friend laughing while he was getting hurt. I also told N how much it hurt Mario's feelings when they tricked him with the water guns earlier. I told them they don't have to like each other, but tricking Mario is just plain mean. I said my piece and then they appologized to Mario - who wasn't very forgiving - and they left.

That evening as the boys and I ate dinner (Beni went to a Sox game) I heard a girl yell, "Fuckers!" as she ran past my house. Nice. After dinner, as I sat in my living room, I heard kids on the side of my house. I got up to look and sure enough there was the bunch of them- N, one of his friends, A, E, G and S - running from the side of my house back to their side. Later when I got up to do something in the kitchen I saw them all again. Every once in a while I"d still hear, "Fuckers!" always in a girl's voice. Luckily, my boys didn't hear them. I told them to stay inside and I went to sit inconspicuously on my front porch. From my neighbors driveway came E followed by A and the rest. I stood up and A stopped short. I yelled, "Hey! Come here. I want to talk to you again!" They took off the other way and I threatened to call their moms again if necessary. Meanwhile my quiet-as-mice neighbors across the street are outside in their driveway thinking I must be maniacal, yelling at elementary school kids.

The next day they were still sneaking around with water guns. What little terrorists! I'm so glad that Beni's talk with E's mom made a world of difference.

Am I being an over-protective mom? I know Mario is no angel and I'm sure he gets on the other kids' nerves (as he does mine), but does he deserve being stalked by them? If they don't want to play, shouldn't they just stay away? This entire situation has really upset me. When Mario has gone on playdates I've never gotten a bad report. When he has other friends over to play they get along great. We've gotten together with another neighbor across the street who has a 1st grader and kindergarten-bound triplets (all boys) - God bless her - and the kids play great together as well. Now, since her oldest and E were in the same class, E had been over to play a few times too and even she said, she doesn't trust him. I have no reason to believe that Mario is the instigator with the neighborhood kids. I just feel bad that this is happening to him. I am so grateful that he tells me everything but I just wish that other parents cared enough to talk to their kids.