I Don't Wanna Hair Cut!

Today is the day. This morning as I was flat ironing my already straight hair, more than usual came out. All I had to do was lightly grab a few strands and out they came, painlessly. Today, at work, I showed my co-worker and friend who is a breast cancer survivor, a handful of hair and asked, "Is this what it looks like when your hair starts falling out?" She replied, "It's time."

So, in an hour or two, after we eat dinner and wash the dishes, Beni will shave my head but all day I kept thinking, "I don't wanna hair cut!" It has been years since I have said those words and years since I've meant it. I have NEVER seen myself bald! I remember being mad when my dad (a barber) would cut my hair too short as a child and I thought I looked like a boy. What am I going to think NOW? Ugh. The idea of looking at a bald me in the mirror is sickening.

At the same time, I think it will be a relief to no longer wait for "the-falling-out-of-the-hair" to happen. It will be nice to not have hairs all over the bathroom floor. It will be nice to have a few extra minutes to sleep in the mornings, but I'd trade all of those things to keep my hair.

It's time to look like a cancer patient, I guess. It will be weird to be bald but feel fine. This is so weird. Consider this my pre-hair loss blog. I will post another tonight when it is all gone. If you're lucky, and I can stand to, I might even post a picture. I shudder to think.